after a chat wif dawn ytd, talking about the r/s of tm and her.. i asked her how did she take it so lightly.. she said becox she've been thru this many many times wif him.. to the 50th time she said? she said he fickle and cant make up his mind. initiate a break-up with her, yet come back to her days later. i asked why cant he be more decisive? not like he got any concerns i guess? she said she wanna know why too..
and she said, u're the same. to me. decided to break-up wif wendy, yet now i cant let go. i did not make a reply to that statement.
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after thinking throughout e night, this would be my response..
i have never been in a relationship, so the first impression on how wendy treats me, i take it that it is the standard. i wont go any lower. and i can tell u, those days was heaven. feels nothing like it, like everything is taken care of, and whatever i say, she'll follow.
but soon after my strictness and restriction grew, things changed to be slightly not so heavenly. so i thought that she've changed and getting below the outside 'standard'.
now, after i've been single for almost a yr, i started to understand what is the 'standard'. for people who know me, i'm quite a straight forward person. when i'm in something, i do not look outside. i only do my part and excel in it. i dont see what others are doing, and frankly, i dont really know whether i'm doing up to standard or under-standard.
and yes, after 1 year of looking at other people's r/s and how one treats the other, i now regretted fully the choice of leaving. as the saying goes, you'll regret once you've lost it. the standard out there is far far lower than how wendy treated me. the dedication, the sacrifice and the time she's willing to give. everything.
yes although the standard of e wendy i knew when we began on 8 june 2007 and the ending on 3 june 2009 have quite a difference, but i can only say that partly or most of it was my doing too. it takes two hands to clap, changes i see in her may be made by me. and the standard on 3/6/9 is still far better than the standard out there.
so... i really do envy the people that she cares... cox 2 yrs ago, i was at the top of e list, just below her dad.. i presume.
my intuition tells me she still like jianhui... but for myself, totally gone case.
haix just i'll hope that she is happy and support her whatever i can, unlimited.
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sunday, ah ma threw a birthday dinner for me and melvin (my cousin also 21st b.day, younger den me 5 days)
sis suddenly say small girl not feeling well, not going le.. mummy was not totally happy. than kor is getting baptised as a catholic soon and he is still like half half.. skipping seminars.. so mummy was nagging all e way in the car.. i'm already very feeling not happy cox of my own matters...
as usual dad drive buay zai 1... so ma scolded dad.. den dad burst out... dig old stuff n scold ma.. den she cried. i sms jie and ask her to help me do something... she called me n passed to ma... ma cried n spoke to jie n kor on e phone... solved abit i guess.. but cant 1.. needa talk face to face. ma still nag abit.. say they only say, never action. so i scolded both of them.
this is what i've said.
she is your daughter and my sister. please give her the benefit of doubt. she say, we gotta believe. who ask her to be your daughter n my sister? we love her. dont we? so we gotta believe her. a house divided cannot stand. we gotta trust her. trust begins at home. if we dont have it, we wont be a family already. it becomes just a place to come back and sleep for the night. just like me n wendy last time. she did things that i do not agree with and i know she did it, no doubt. but she say she didnt. what can i say? i'll have to believe her. who ask me to love her and still want her?
there are things out there that we cannot control. we just have to accept it and do our best at the situation.
both of them went quiet. until we parked our car at marina square.
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ok enough of all these stuff...
off to update my bkk trip and my new x7 arrows..
my phone wallpaper for very long
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